INFERNO

Who says that overpopulation is not a threat to this world? Well everyone except Dan Brown. I say what a story! For the first time in history (as far as I know), a novelist have tried to write a story concerning the most life-threatening disease of all time, OVERPOPULATION. It may seem as a complete non-sense to talk about population. People of this world don’t care if the world will be flooded by not water like the Atlantis, but by its own terrorists.

        Well at least the book doesn’t directly attack the Christian religion like the previous ones but the religion is still involve, or should I say the word of the Lord. It is in the bible that the birth of a child is the happiness of a woman and the society and that you cannot enter the heaven of the Lord without being a child to Him like His own son, Jesus Christ. A child is a gift to this world. Indeed we are gifts of this world and I say I am a daughter of the Lord and a sister to Jesus Christ. But can the Lord my Father blames me to ask Him if the population is now too densely for the world He created to hold? I say yes He can blame me in questioning it for that is the main reason why were born, to reproduce and let the newborns eye to enjoy the sight of the world He have given to us.  But can He tolerate that the world He created are now being flooded by dense people gradually submerging in the underworld? I guess He can’t. Yes He wanted us to live but overpopulation is a serious case to humanity.

          And that is a reality Dan Brown saw. He once again used the character of Robert Langdon to disseminate to the world the problem of overpopulation. Though he have used judgmental words against a country, I say this story is great wherein he implanted the work of Dante Alighieri, the Inferno the stage of passing hell towards the paradise. He has used abstractly the Inferno in relating to the real problem. Even though the story was devilish, a plague that will be released to erased 1/3 of the world’s population. I say I hated the fact that he as well discriminated my own country as he described it as “the gates of hell” and that the Philippines is the most densely populated country in the whole world. The fact that he pointed out the malicious side of the country, from all the crimes surrounding the land to gangsters of raping a foreigner, Filipinos have hated him. But after analyzing the story a bit more, I came to realize one thing even though I do not know if I and Dan Brown have the same interpretations of his masterpiece.

         As far as I am concern, Dan Brown has used the Philippines as a medium to let the world open their eyes on the adverse effects of overpopulation. I believe he used the Philippines in the manner that this country is not the only country which has these kinds of evil crimes but each of all the countries have their hideous mysteries. I want to believe that the Philippines and all countries have another face, the face of peace and unity.

        But I love how Dan Brown manipulated again the story words cannot actually express how marvelous it is. That is why he is my inspiration. The manipulation I have in the stories I have formulated (but not written yet) was based on the playful mind tricks of Brown. In the story, especially at the end, you don’t need to kill people just to lessen the population of this world; sterility can be of choice as well. If the program of the World Health Organization cannot work because of the influence of the Christian religion like Sex Education in all schools and communities and the use of contraceptives as a part of the Family Planning method; then a pandemic disease can do the work, infertility or sterility. Though the solution is a bit harsh, if people will not understand the importance of birth control methods, then the least they will expect from the concerned citizens of this world about population is releasing a deathly method.

        And that for me, is the main reason why Inferno is published, to open the eyes of humanity on the serious threat of overpopulation and to make them realize that the plans of WHO is for their safety and of this world. This is as well to enlighten the Christian religion about the method of science of securing the safeness of the world. I hope the world is reading this now and I hope that this will help us to understand the nature of humanity.

My Existence.... I AM LOST.....

Why do I live? Why do I breathe? Why do I have a life? Why do I exist?

        These are some questions that filled my mind about my existence. I have been finding answers to these questions since I watched one of my favorite anime in history, Naruto. Naruto exist to protect his friends and comrades. He lives and breathes for his beloved country and his ready to sacrifice himself and face death for the people who have once hated him. Now I have watched again a certain Korean drama, The Wind that Winter Blows, asking the same questions I have. Why do I exist? Why do I live? Why do I breathe? The male character, Oh Soo played by Jo In Sung, said he lives without any particular reasons until he met the sister of his friend who shares the same name as his, Oh Young played by Song Hye Kyo. As the story goes, he fell in love unexpectedly with the blind Oh Young and he wanted to live because of her but Oh Young wanted to die because she felt burden from the society and that she doesn’t trust anyone due to the real intentions of the people around her, to get money. Oh Young started wanting to live because of Oh Soo who she wanted to see badly with her own visions. And the story ended happily.

         Now, I am asking myself, is that what I need? Love? But what love do I need? Love from my family or love of a special someone? Is that really a reason to live? But what about Naruto? He lives for his friends, comrades and people who hated him. Do I also need to live because of my friends that I wanted to protect them to the extent of sacrificing myself?

         I don’t have any answers as of now. Why? Because I am completely lost. I do not know myself anymore. I do not know the real direction of my life, my real dream, my real goal, and my real life. Why do I know these things? It’s because I know I needed to study harder but still I lack as manifested by all the failures in my examinations most especially in our review or competency appraisal in the review center. I know to myself that all I need to do is to study harder and motivate myself to aim high scores. But I couldn’t explain why I still lack. What do I need to do better? I should be encouraged enough to study harder because of the low scores I have but I still lack. What is the reason? Well I do have one.

         I think the reason is because I do not know the reason of my life, of why I exist in this world. Sometimes, I thought of meeting someone in the street who can change me and make me want to live and be the reason of my existence. But I again ask myself, is my family not enough to be my reason of existence, to be my inspiration in life? Is my father who’s in the hand of the Lord now and the Lord Himself not enough to be my strength and power to live? I do not know.

        I am lost. My mind and heart tells me there is something missing in my life despite of the presence of my family, the sacrifices of my parents, and the guidance of the Lord. There is something that I need to push me to my limits and to study harder and live longer. There is something that is missing in my existence, in my life. Though I do not know what that thing is, I know I need to study to repay the sacrifices of my parents and family. And though I do not know why I exist, I know that I need to finish these stories in my mind and reveal it to the world. And one day, I pray to find that thing or that thing finds me. 

Prisoners of Darkness

                When a person without any presence of illness or disability closes his or her eyes, darkness fill in his or her vision. A person who is trapped in a world where no light can be seen and only the creepy coldness of darkness is far more worst than being tortured in fire (or maybe that’s what my opinion is). Imagine your life of only seeing the unlit world and never see the beauty of the world God has created. How will a person enjoy his or her life without anything to see, anything to recognize or anything to appreciate in the wondrous life a normal person may have? A prisoner of darkness, a burden to the society and a creepy individual is what a blind person is.

                I have never imagined myself to be in the state of blindness. I only began to appreciate the pain felt by a blind individual when I started watching this very beautiful Korean drama. It is lovable, funny yet a person will greatly acknowledge the drama by its story centrally focus in the worst disability of the eye. I may not be able to live if I were them, the blind people. But what drive them to still breathe despite of the fatal disability of not able to see this world are the people who still believe and love them. They still hold the hope and faith that someday they will recognize the world they once hated because of the unfairness they experienced.

                Blind individuals are scared and anxious most especially on trusting a person. How can you trust a person if you cannot even see? Individuals who can see the world are having a hard time in trusting others, how much more to individuals who cannot see? Blind persons rely on their instincts and the power of touch to determine whether a person can be trusted enough or not. They may not see you but they possess the most powerful key to identify a personality of a person, true feelings either the good ones or the bad ones. Just by touching a person or listening to the voice, they can already apprehend an individual’s inner thoughts, feelings and personality.

                That is why it’s hard to fool a blind. You may regret fooling him or her most especially if you knew that those foolish things and lies you are doing can lead to sympathy or empathy. The worst scenario can be fall in love with the person you fool in the first place. Don’t be a jerk. Learn how to respect and love blind persons because they are lovable despite of their disability because as compared to a person who have visions, blind persons can see through you without seeing your face inside the deepest soul of your heart.

sPiRiTuALiTy

Well, as I looked outside those nasty windows of our classrooms, heavy breeze of rain were pouring down from heaven as if telling me that the new journey of my life is yet to begin. Not literally the saying that goes "it is raining because someone is crying" but the rain signifying the new beginnings of drastic sufferings and pains.

Rain continuously poured leading to breaking out the current which all gave us the goose bumps in which all the unseen souls awoken by the creepy noisy thunder. Yet we were in the middle of our orientation for our newest subject, Spiritual Nursing. And what do you expect in this subject. As one of my classmate said, Spirituality is connected to  morality and talks about the so-called Rules of Heaven. 

And in the first day of this subject, our spiritual nursing teacher required us to make a creative drawing about our Spiritual Journey. What a requirement indeed! Then at night, though even I don't have any innate talent on drawing, I tried my best to show off my creative way of knowing, acknowledging, believing, trusting, and have faith on Him.

It's true that we may know Him ever since we were kids but when do we believe His presence exists? As for me, I`started to believe in Him when I suffered nearly to blindness (a bit exaggeration thought) in which I wounded the outer canthus of my left eye until to the point that I skipped the terror of operation because of misdiagnosis of Appendicitis. But then my faith in Him was challenged. How? It's all on this blog (just have a guess). We may questioned Him, may blame Him by the things we experienced from the death of loved ones to sufferings and pains but all I can say is we should never doubt Him for He is the only one who guides us from above. We suffered, we felt pain, yet it is ourselves doings, it is the humanity's doings and no one else. We make our own suffering, our own pains yet we are blinded by hatred and we at once have blamed Him. We should learn how to overcome this hatred and even if it's impossible, we can conquer peace and unity which He aimed the most.

LOVE, TRUST AND FORGIVENESS

SO MATERIALISTIC!

You might ask, why so materialistic and who is materialistic?

I am. I wonder why as you do wonder why. I thought a lot of it once I see a lot of unneeded valuables to buy. I want this and that! But what I really want to have are gadgets from cellphones to mp3s, accessories I fancy the most (necklaces bracelets, anime stuffs), shoes from high heels to flat shoes to sneakers to high cut shoes and most importantly the uncountable series of books! I deprived myself from looking on these stuffs but what can I do? I am just an 18 year old college student who wanted to enjoy the gift of life but lacks in fulfilling and grasping them.

I hate myself from being a materialistic person. Because of this, my hatred towards my mother grew and still growing. I know to myself I needed to understand our situation in life that we are in the average level of unsophisticated society of humanity. But I do understand my feelings towards her that I love her, know the extent of our living and the sacrifices she had been doing. But the materialism will never end and will only end when I reach the adulthood stage where I will be working for my own.

As of now, I do not want to see her, although I wanted to thank her for her sacrifices and that I know what she has done just to send me off and be here where I’m sitting right now while typing this ridiculous drama of my nonsense life. It is so irritating and annoying hating and loving someone at the same time most especially if it’s your own mother. I do not hate her because she doesn’t want to send me a money abut I hate the fact that she doesn’t show any attention and concern 

towards me.

PS: anyone can voice out their comments towards this thing. please feel free.

A Diary of a Lifeless Soul

Why do people make a diary? Why do they need to write down on a piece of notebook all their activities in a day? Cannot they just pass the day without writing whatever happened and throw these unnecessary events of life?

          Well at first, I took it as a joke writing or inventing my own diary. For me, it is just a waste of time doing this stuff most specially that I, and let me include my classmates, we as student nurses, have a lot of requirements and reports to focus on and we don’t have any silly time in writing down all the things happened to us for a whole day. We know, or may I say, I know that I can only include these words in my daily living as student, “What a stressful day! Good night!”

            And I was shocked, same as the others, that we need to submit a day-by-day entry journal as a part of our requirement in preparation for ourselves to be exposed into psychiatric hospitals. How can a journal or diary help us in overcoming anxieties towards our exposure into the world of lifeless souls of psychotics and in understanding their inconceivable way of thinking?

            Well after few days of writing all the things I did for a day, I came to realized this was really helpful. How it became helpful? First, when we had our self-awareness activity wherein we needed to answer this, “Who am I?” After the activity, I don’t know what pulled me off to grab my journal and write everything including my emotions which were rare for me. But I began to love it.

            They say we need to include our thoughts and emotions for the day even without any unusual events happened. As I read my diary, it is full of emotions towards my family most specially about my late father whom I always remember every time I wasn’t preoccupied of anything such as school stuffs and imagining things (in a positive way) and my mother who always brag in and out of our house about money and how I hate and love her at the same time. My mother cannot bestow me what my father can give me before. But if there is one thing I realized during my tie with my diary is that I was too harsh to her in demanding such things which I already know that her income is three times less than my father’s income before. I always say it was because of my so-called middle child syndrome and it was indeed the reason, I am always jealous of my siblings because of the attention my mother is giving them. She always attends to their needs in just a click, means if they want it now then she will give it immediately while I needed to persuade her more and always remind her all the things I wanted. But after a while with my diary, I now understand that there is nothing to be jealous of, instead it is only a part of the hundreds of trials that a family faced and may face in the future. All that a family should do is to value and understand each other.

          Half or three quarters of the content of my diary is all about thoughts, thoughts about life, personalities, issues, undefined people and the other face of the world. I love to become a rather free writer who can speak out her mind without considering all the wrong grammars and I want to make my own sufferings in making story into something, perhaps a book anyone can able to read. I became fond of reading series books like Harry Potter series and Chronicles of Narnia series in which I am already left out of age to read those books. I want to enhance my ability and knowledge in making such great books like that of my favorite series books.

            But there is one writer who stands out the most who make me believe that anyone can manipulate other people to their deepest soul and attest their faith to the One who create us all. One of his greatest invention that let all the Christians burned their minds and soul and corrupted their hearts was the novel, The Da Vinci Code. Well who would want to believe that Jesus Christ has an heir with no other than the most controversial personality in Christianity, the prostitute Mary Magdalene. I, myself, was attested by this novel, but what I learned is if you have put all your faith in Him and you know how to separate fiction from truth, then you know to yourself that no matter what you may identify which will break your soul into pieces, you will still be a son of God.

            In this diary, I poured all my emotions, from happiness to anger. I relieved my pains and sufferings through this diary which became my partner in crime in all the unnecessary feelings I have. I shouted in silence all my thoughts in life from regressions to suppressions of memories. I can now answer all the questions above. People have a lot hideous secrets, unwanted memories, irascible moments and undefined emotions and they used this simple notebook to keep intact with these magnificent memories. Now, I go back to it and read it, I am laughing at myself because it is really reflected in there who I am and my miserable yet laugh-out-loud “kadramahan ng buhay.”

it's always been YOU....

My world stops turning since the day I met you
Your eyes, your lips, your smile, your laugh,
I keep on staring at your face
Because all I want to see is you.

Your scent is all over my place,
In the kitchen, sala, dining area, in my room
It stops my mind and calm my nerves
Because all I want to think is you.

My eyes are  fixed to no one but you,
My tears only falls to no one but you,
My heart gave in to no one but you,
Because all I want is to love you.

Every time I see you, I keep on asking,
"What beauty do you possess that no other ladies have?"
I looked into the mirror, smiled and answered myself,
"Because she's the only beauty that my heart see!"

All I thought everything is fine and happy,
All I thought I am close in saying I love you,
But I was hurt when you're with a guy,
Because you are blind not to feel my love for you.

My world stops turning when I lose you,
My heart stopped on beating and beating,
My tears started to fell on the ground,
Because all I wanted is you.

My mind sets to find another woman,
But every time I stare at them,
Your image keeps on flushing in my mind,
Because its always been you I love.

I've never experience so much pain,
But all the time I see you with him,
Staring at him like his the only guy exist,
Your smile doesn't leave your gorgeous lips.

Loving you is the most painful, but
It is the greatest thing that happened to me.
I was just an hopeless and unlucky guy,
Who chooses to love his one and only best friend!