sPiRiTuALiTy

Well, as I looked outside those nasty windows of our classrooms, heavy breeze of rain were pouring down from heaven as if telling me that the new journey of my life is yet to begin. Not literally the saying that goes "it is raining because someone is crying" but the rain signifying the new beginnings of drastic sufferings and pains.

Rain continuously poured leading to breaking out the current which all gave us the goose bumps in which all the unseen souls awoken by the creepy noisy thunder. Yet we were in the middle of our orientation for our newest subject, Spiritual Nursing. And what do you expect in this subject. As one of my classmate said, Spirituality is connected to  morality and talks about the so-called Rules of Heaven. 

And in the first day of this subject, our spiritual nursing teacher required us to make a creative drawing about our Spiritual Journey. What a requirement indeed! Then at night, though even I don't have any innate talent on drawing, I tried my best to show off my creative way of knowing, acknowledging, believing, trusting, and have faith on Him.

It's true that we may know Him ever since we were kids but when do we believe His presence exists? As for me, I`started to believe in Him when I suffered nearly to blindness (a bit exaggeration thought) in which I wounded the outer canthus of my left eye until to the point that I skipped the terror of operation because of misdiagnosis of Appendicitis. But then my faith in Him was challenged. How? It's all on this blog (just have a guess). We may questioned Him, may blame Him by the things we experienced from the death of loved ones to sufferings and pains but all I can say is we should never doubt Him for He is the only one who guides us from above. We suffered, we felt pain, yet it is ourselves doings, it is the humanity's doings and no one else. We make our own suffering, our own pains yet we are blinded by hatred and we at once have blamed Him. We should learn how to overcome this hatred and even if it's impossible, we can conquer peace and unity which He aimed the most.

LOVE, TRUST AND FORGIVENESS

SO MATERIALISTIC!

You might ask, why so materialistic and who is materialistic?

I am. I wonder why as you do wonder why. I thought a lot of it once I see a lot of unneeded valuables to buy. I want this and that! But what I really want to have are gadgets from cellphones to mp3s, accessories I fancy the most (necklaces bracelets, anime stuffs), shoes from high heels to flat shoes to sneakers to high cut shoes and most importantly the uncountable series of books! I deprived myself from looking on these stuffs but what can I do? I am just an 18 year old college student who wanted to enjoy the gift of life but lacks in fulfilling and grasping them.

I hate myself from being a materialistic person. Because of this, my hatred towards my mother grew and still growing. I know to myself I needed to understand our situation in life that we are in the average level of unsophisticated society of humanity. But I do understand my feelings towards her that I love her, know the extent of our living and the sacrifices she had been doing. But the materialism will never end and will only end when I reach the adulthood stage where I will be working for my own.

As of now, I do not want to see her, although I wanted to thank her for her sacrifices and that I know what she has done just to send me off and be here where I’m sitting right now while typing this ridiculous drama of my nonsense life. It is so irritating and annoying hating and loving someone at the same time most especially if it’s your own mother. I do not hate her because she doesn’t want to send me a money abut I hate the fact that she doesn’t show any attention and concern 

towards me.

PS: anyone can voice out their comments towards this thing. please feel free.

A Diary of a Lifeless Soul

Why do people make a diary? Why do they need to write down on a piece of notebook all their activities in a day? Cannot they just pass the day without writing whatever happened and throw these unnecessary events of life?

          Well at first, I took it as a joke writing or inventing my own diary. For me, it is just a waste of time doing this stuff most specially that I, and let me include my classmates, we as student nurses, have a lot of requirements and reports to focus on and we don’t have any silly time in writing down all the things happened to us for a whole day. We know, or may I say, I know that I can only include these words in my daily living as student, “What a stressful day! Good night!”

            And I was shocked, same as the others, that we need to submit a day-by-day entry journal as a part of our requirement in preparation for ourselves to be exposed into psychiatric hospitals. How can a journal or diary help us in overcoming anxieties towards our exposure into the world of lifeless souls of psychotics and in understanding their inconceivable way of thinking?

            Well after few days of writing all the things I did for a day, I came to realized this was really helpful. How it became helpful? First, when we had our self-awareness activity wherein we needed to answer this, “Who am I?” After the activity, I don’t know what pulled me off to grab my journal and write everything including my emotions which were rare for me. But I began to love it.

            They say we need to include our thoughts and emotions for the day even without any unusual events happened. As I read my diary, it is full of emotions towards my family most specially about my late father whom I always remember every time I wasn’t preoccupied of anything such as school stuffs and imagining things (in a positive way) and my mother who always brag in and out of our house about money and how I hate and love her at the same time. My mother cannot bestow me what my father can give me before. But if there is one thing I realized during my tie with my diary is that I was too harsh to her in demanding such things which I already know that her income is three times less than my father’s income before. I always say it was because of my so-called middle child syndrome and it was indeed the reason, I am always jealous of my siblings because of the attention my mother is giving them. She always attends to their needs in just a click, means if they want it now then she will give it immediately while I needed to persuade her more and always remind her all the things I wanted. But after a while with my diary, I now understand that there is nothing to be jealous of, instead it is only a part of the hundreds of trials that a family faced and may face in the future. All that a family should do is to value and understand each other.

          Half or three quarters of the content of my diary is all about thoughts, thoughts about life, personalities, issues, undefined people and the other face of the world. I love to become a rather free writer who can speak out her mind without considering all the wrong grammars and I want to make my own sufferings in making story into something, perhaps a book anyone can able to read. I became fond of reading series books like Harry Potter series and Chronicles of Narnia series in which I am already left out of age to read those books. I want to enhance my ability and knowledge in making such great books like that of my favorite series books.

            But there is one writer who stands out the most who make me believe that anyone can manipulate other people to their deepest soul and attest their faith to the One who create us all. One of his greatest invention that let all the Christians burned their minds and soul and corrupted their hearts was the novel, The Da Vinci Code. Well who would want to believe that Jesus Christ has an heir with no other than the most controversial personality in Christianity, the prostitute Mary Magdalene. I, myself, was attested by this novel, but what I learned is if you have put all your faith in Him and you know how to separate fiction from truth, then you know to yourself that no matter what you may identify which will break your soul into pieces, you will still be a son of God.

            In this diary, I poured all my emotions, from happiness to anger. I relieved my pains and sufferings through this diary which became my partner in crime in all the unnecessary feelings I have. I shouted in silence all my thoughts in life from regressions to suppressions of memories. I can now answer all the questions above. People have a lot hideous secrets, unwanted memories, irascible moments and undefined emotions and they used this simple notebook to keep intact with these magnificent memories. Now, I go back to it and read it, I am laughing at myself because it is really reflected in there who I am and my miserable yet laugh-out-loud “kadramahan ng buhay.”

it's always been YOU....

My world stops turning since the day I met you
Your eyes, your lips, your smile, your laugh,
I keep on staring at your face
Because all I want to see is you.

Your scent is all over my place,
In the kitchen, sala, dining area, in my room
It stops my mind and calm my nerves
Because all I want to think is you.

My eyes are  fixed to no one but you,
My tears only falls to no one but you,
My heart gave in to no one but you,
Because all I want is to love you.

Every time I see you, I keep on asking,
"What beauty do you possess that no other ladies have?"
I looked into the mirror, smiled and answered myself,
"Because she's the only beauty that my heart see!"

All I thought everything is fine and happy,
All I thought I am close in saying I love you,
But I was hurt when you're with a guy,
Because you are blind not to feel my love for you.

My world stops turning when I lose you,
My heart stopped on beating and beating,
My tears started to fell on the ground,
Because all I wanted is you.

My mind sets to find another woman,
But every time I stare at them,
Your image keeps on flushing in my mind,
Because its always been you I love.

I've never experience so much pain,
But all the time I see you with him,
Staring at him like his the only guy exist,
Your smile doesn't leave your gorgeous lips.

Loving you is the most painful, but
It is the greatest thing that happened to me.
I was just an hopeless and unlucky guy,
Who chooses to love his one and only best friend!

CONDUCT DISORDER

CONDUCT DISORDER

          Conduct disorder is a persistent antisocial behavior of children and adolescents that significantly impairs their ability to function in the social, academic, or occupational areas. Children and adolescents with this disorder have great difficulty following rules and behaving in a socially acceptable way. They display behavior that violates the basic rights of others or societal norms and rules.

            Conduct disorders are divided into three types which includes the following:

A.   Group Type

-          Is when conduct problems occur usually in the context of group activities with peers

B.    Solitary Aggressive Type

-          Is predominantly aggressive behavior towards peers and adults

C.  Undifferentiated Type

-          Is for children or adolescents who demonstrate mixed features of the conduct disorders

Persons with conduct disorders have little empathy for others; they have low self-esteem, poor frustration tolerance, and temper outbursts. Conduct disorder is often associated with early onset of sexual behavior, drinking, smoking, use of illegal substances, and other reckless or risky behaviors. These disorder occurs three times more often in boys than girls, and as many as 30% to 50% of these children are diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder as adults.

Diagnostic criteria for 312.8 Conduct Disorder

Conduct disorder is a repetitive and persistent pattern of behavior in which the basic rights of others or major age-appropriate societal norms or rules are violated, as manifested by the presence of three (or more) of the following criteria in the past 12 months, with at least one criterion present in the past 6 months: 

A.   Aggression to people and animals 

1.        often bullies, threatens, or intimidates others 

2.        often initiates physical fights 

3.        has used a weapon that can cause serious physical harm to others (e.g., abat, brick, broken bottle, knife, gun) 

4.        has been physically cruel to people 

5.        has been physically cruel to animals 

6.        has stolen while confronting a victim (e.g., mugging, purse snatching, extortion, armed robbery) 

7.        has forced someone into sexual activity 

B.     Destruction of property 

8.        has deliberately engaged in fire setting with the intention of causing serious damage 

9.        has deliberately destroyed others' property (other than by fire setting)

C.    Deceitfulness or theft

10.   has broken into someone else's house, building, or car 

11.   often lies to obtain goods or favors or to avoid obligations (i.e., "cons" others) 

12.   has stolen items of nontrivial value without confronting a victim (e.g., shoplifting, but without breaking and entering; forgery) 

D.    Serious violations of rules 

13.   often stays out at night despite parental prohibitions, beginning before age 13 years 

14.   has run away from home overnight at least twice while living in parental or parental surrogate home (or once without returning for a lengthy period) 

15.   is often truant from school, beginning before age 13 years 

ONSET AND CLINICAL COURSE

            Two subtypes of conduct disorder are based on age of onset.

A.   Childhood-Onset Type

It involves symptoms that occur before age 10 years, including physical aggression toward others and disturbed peer relationships. These children are more likely to have persistent conduct disorder and to develop antisocial personality disorder as adults.

B.    Adolescent-Onset Type

It is defined by the absence of any conduct disorder behaviors until after the age of 10 years. These adolescents are less likely to be aggressive, and they have more normal peer relationships. They are less likely to persistent conduct disorder or antisocial personality disorder as an adult (DSM-IV-TR, 2000). Persons with the adolescent-onset type and few or milder problems can achieve adequate social relationships and academic or occupational success as adults.

           

Conduct disorder clinical signs and symptoms can be classified according to degree of severity.

I.     According to severity (DSM-IV-TR, 2000)

a.   Mild

-          The person has a few conduct problems that cause relatively minor harm to others, such as lying, truancy, or staying out late without permission.

b.   Moderate

-          The number of conduct problems increases, as does the amount of harm to others, such as vandalism.

c.   Severe

-          Many conduct problems are present, and there is considerable harm to others, such as forced sex, cruelty to animals, used of a weapon, burglary, or robbery.

The course of conduct disorder is variable. Only about 40% of persons with conduct disorder go on to develop antisocial personality disorder, but even those who do not may lead troubled lives, difficulty with interpersonal relationships, unhealthy lifestyles, and an inability to support themselves (Steiner, 2000).

ETIOLOGY

            It is generally accepted that genetic vulnerability, environmental adversity, and factors such as poor coping interact to cause the disorder.

            Risk Factors includes

·         Poor parenting

·         Low academic achievement

·         Poor peer relationships

·         Low self-esteem

Protective Factors include

·         Resilience

·         Family support

·         Positive peer relationships

·         Good health

There is a genetic risk for conduct disorder, although no specific gene marker has been identified. The disorder is more common in children who have a sibling with conduct disorder or a parent with antisocial personality disorder, substance abuse, mood disorders, schizophrenia, or ADHD.

A lack of reactivity of the autonomic nervous system has been found in children with conduct disorder, similar to adults with antisocial personality disorder. This abnormality may cause more aggression in social relationships as a result of decrease in normal avoidance or social inhibitions.

Poor family functioning, marital discord, poor parenting and a family history of substance abuse and psychiatric problems are all associated with the development of conduct disorder. Child abuse is an especially significant risk factor. The specific parenting patterns that are considered ineffective are inconsistent responses by parents to the child’s demands, and giving in to demands as the child’s behavior escalates. Exposure to violence in the media and in the community is a contributing factor for the child who is at risk in other areas. Socioeconomic disadvantages such as inadequate housing, crowded conditions, and poverty also increase the likelihood of conduct disorder in the at-risk child.

Academic underachievement, learning disabilities, hyperactivity, and problems with attention span are all associated with conduct disorder. Children with conduct disorder have difficulty functioning in social situations. They lack the abilities to respond appropriately to others or to negotiate conflict, and they lose their ability to restrain themselves when emotionally stressed. They are often accepted only by persons who have similar problems.

TREATMENT

            A wide variety of treatments have been used for conduct disorder with only modest effectiveness. Early is more effective, and prevention is more effective than treatment. Dramatic interventions such as “boot camp” or incarceration have not proven effective and may even worsen the situation. Treatment must gear toward the client’s developmental age; no one type of treatment is suitable for all ages.

Preschool programs such as Head Start result lower rates of delinquent behavior and conduct disorder through use parental education about normal growth and development, stimulation for the child, and support of parents during crises.

School-age children with conduct disorder

-          The child, the family, and school environment are the focus of treatment.

-          Parenting education, social skills training to improve peer relationships, and attempts to improve academic performance and increase the child’s ability to comply with demands from authority figures are included.

-          Family Therapy is considered essential for children in this age group.

-          Behavioral Therapy and Psychotherapy are usually necessary to help the child appropriately express and control anger.

Adolescents

-          Individual Therapy is often used as a treatment for this age group because they rely less on their parents and move on peers.

-          Many clients in this age group have some involvement with the legal system as a result of criminal behavior, and they may have restrictions on their freedom as a result.

-          The most promising treatment approach includes keeping the client in his or her environment. Conflict resolution, anger management, and teaching of social skills are frequently included in the treatment plan.

Psychophamarcotherapy

·         Antipsychotic

-          If the client present a clear damage to others.

·         Lithium or other Mood Stabilizer

-          Carbamazepine (Tegretol) or Valproic Acid (Depakote)

-          May be given to clients with labile mood.

NURSING MANAGEMENT

            Providing interventions with a client diagnosed with conduct disorder can also be quite challenging. The following nursing interventions incorporate the suggestions of boys with the diagnosis of conduct disorder and living in reform school:

1.      Establish trust by being honest.

2.      Maintain control by setting limits for manipulative, acting-out behavior.

3.      Be consistent with limit-setting.

4.      Respect’s the client’s age and maintain and adult-child or adult-adult relationship, whichever is appropriate.

5.      Establish realistic observations. Discuss such expectations with the client and encourage verbalization of feelings.

Nursing interventions for client with conduct disorder mainly focuses on maintaining safety and helping the child or adolescent develop internal limits, problem-solving skills, and self-responsibility for acts of antisocial behavior, which may include violent physical harm, theft, fire setting, assault, and callous or manipulative behavior.

Young client with conduct disorder often have underlying medical problems; therefore nursing interventions may include treatment for a medical condition such as epilepsy or a closed head injury.

PrEtTy LitTle LiArS...

LIARS, PLASTICS, BACKSTABBERS, RUDE, JERKS, etc. Whatever you call them, they are ALL THE SAME! Why? Because they possesses the MOST UNNERVING, SARCASTIC AND IDIOPATHIC PERSONALITIES of human kind and animal species! They may be kind, friendly, generous, approachable, trustworthy but behind those ANGELIC faces and attitudes, they are the ENEMIES of DEMONS!

We have the so-called CONSCIENCE, wherein the elders told us that it is where the VOICE of the ALMIGHTY is hiding. That's the reason why we, way back in being a kid, teachers taught us to use this conscience. Whenever we sinned, we always pray and seek for His forgiveness. And the most common sin that we experience is LYING!

Yes, you may be right if you say that all of us commit lies and we do them in varying degrees. Others tend to lie by cheating, either in an examination because our minds are already exhausted with all around-the-clock questions or in a relationship 'cause you already want to break his/her love into pieces. Others may tell falsehood, either in covering a mistake that you, your friends or you loved ones including your family have committed or in beholding a sanctuary of truths and secrets that needs to be hidden from keen manipulative people in suspecting. Others may bear lies, either in protecting themselves or the ones been mentioned or in withholding the beliefs other may possess. Yes, all of us are LIARS!

But, NOT ALL LIES ARE LIES. There's always an exception to the rule. As of the things being listed above, these were, I believe, the exceptions in the rule. As being told, we have our conscience and seek for His forgiveness because the things enumerated above, are just being kept and known by you, Him, and the special groups. 

But is it acceptable if you lie in front of other people knowing that those people know that your just lying without any reasons? You are lying just because you doesn't want to lose and be the NUMBER ONE ALWAYS? I AM SO PROUD OF YOUR COMPETITIVENESS BOY! You try to question an act because you cannot accept that he was right and you were wrong! Arguing without a basis? Come on! Then when it's out turn to question your act, you became defensive and the other one became quiet because SHE knows that we were right and you're wrong again! And every time others act, both of you tell THEM what's the answer by doing "READ MY LIPS PEOPLE." WHAT A FANTASTIC TRICK! WE WERE REALLY IMPRESSED!

Where is that so-called CONSCIENCE in you, or is there really a THING in your soul? Maybe that's the reason why you commit lies without hesitations. I am really disappointed but what's the point of telling it to the teacher, if you, yourself lied within yourself!

-Just a little reminder to everyone, if you lie be sure not to be caught, because you lie with a reason, not, lying without a conscience! And by the way, you are really good together J&B!

Welcome NEW LIFE!

Let's face it everyone! Mayan calendar predictions have ended and we leave the Apocalypse day hanging on the garage because here I am, typing this post, signifying that 2013 has now arrived.

NEW LIFE! Is there really a new life for everyone this year? Or is just another year without nothing?! Well I don't know to you, but I have my own NEW POINTS OF LIFE. Why POINTS? Because I'm already counting on the new challenges that I may face this 2013. It's not that I'm expecting new troubles to come ahead, but this is my new life. Expect the unexpected! Moreover, I'm already embracing the mistakes I've made for the past year and working on correcting it already to become a full pledge individual that all of you can be proud of.

And as of the moment, I have my new goals and new dreams. Goals and dreams that someday I can reach through sacrifices and hardworks.
So everyone, I hope you have your own new points and life and let's start this year WITH A BIG A SMILE IN OUR FACES AND LIVE TO THE FULLEST!

PS: I wasn't able to posy it immediately because of poor internet connection!