As we grow old, there are decisions we need to make for our future. These decisions can either be the right decision or it can be the wrong one. But like in the title, life is all about making decisions. It is not about making the right decision nor making the wrong decision. It is about standing up for the decisions you make.
If you think that what you decided is the best for
you and you never regret taking that decision, then no matter how rocky the
road is, you will go forth and will stand by as it is the right decision for
you. But if you glitch, thinks that you cannot do it and that it the most
regrettable decision you have in your entire life, then you make the biggest
wrong decision in life because you cannot stand the decision you make.
Now, every decision comes with great risk and great
sacrifice. You will never know a decision if it is right or wrong unless you
have risk or sacrifice one important thing or aspect in your life.
Take it for example, when you came of age, what is
the best university for you to go for college? Of course first, the university
your parents choose for you but you think that university doesn’t suits you.
Second, you have a university of your choice but your parents insist that it is
not the best university in your country and they do not offer the best quality
education.
What will be your decision? Your parents desired
university or your dream university?
What will you sacrificed? The trust of your parents
as you will disobey their wish or your own trust to yourself that you can
eventually prove to them that your choice is what’s best for you?
Another example, when you are choosing what major
you will take for college. Your parents wanted you take any health related
major such as Nursing or Biology so that eventually, they want you to pursue
Medicine and become their pride as a Doctor. But then you felt Medicine wasn’t
for you. You are fonder of playing with your paint brushes and sketch pads and
canvasses. You wanted to become artist but your parents strongly disagree with
you.
What will you decide? Your parents dream for your
future or your own dream of future? Your parents will eventually try to bring
your dream down as they will tell all the negative things about becoming an
artist such as a little money can come out as a reward for that work and it is
even not considered as a profession. They will tell you not all are successful
in your dream field and will not make you enough of a future.
Can you sacrifice your dream for a better future
because you know that becoming a doctor will eventually give you a lots of
money and it will settle your future perfectly? Or can you sacrifice that
better and perfect future your parents dream about in exchange to a more rocky
and harder road of becoming successful as long as it is your dream and not
someone else’s dream?
You see, like I said, there is no such thing as an
easy decision. One way or another, there are external and internal
considerations you have to consider. There are some important things you have to
risk or sacrifice if you wanted to achieve your dreams. You may eventually
regret those decisions one day, but is it not more important to follow what you
desire and what you dream for yourself and your future?
Well, trust me, I am no different from those of you
who are making hard decisions about the future particularly those who are
working individuals who needs to sustain their families. Especially in the
middle of this pandemic crisis, there is no room for selfish decisions and
dreams.
I tell you, sacrificing a definite
future is like an act of suicide. Who else wanted to give up a very large
amount of salary in exchange to a future which holds only a 1% successful rate?
Well, that is me.
Imagine, you are offered thrice the
salary you can get from your own country and then just turned it down because
you wanted to enter a scholarship only with just thousands of applicants from
the entire world. Take note, ENTIRE WORLD! So, you won’t only be competing with
aspiring scholars from your country but from entire the world. How fascinating,
isn’t it?
But this is my dream. Now, I know, I said this time
is not about selfish dreams. Before I exit from Saudi Arabia, I have weighed
all the consequences. Almost every night, under my blanket, I cry rivers. I
have always trouble going to sleep. I tried diverting my attention by watching
movies and Korean dramas after work but it made it worst.
To tell you, I am talking about the GKS or Global
Korean Scholarship program. It is a fully funded scholarship (with monthly allowance
worth a million won that is around 40 to 45,000 pesos) offered to all aspiring
international students who wish to pursue an undergraduate or graduate degree
in South Korea.
And as I said, it is INTERNATIONAL.
So the acceptance would be 1:50 successful scholar
from one’s country. That is just an estimate ration. It still depends how many
people knows about this scholarship and if you happen to be reading this
lengthy essay, then for sure you are going to search about it. No worries, I
will write a separate essay about the whole process of the GKS program.
Back to my story, before I permanently left the Arab
country, I assured for an insurance. I made some back-up plans. Like I stated,
the chance of getting this scholarship is like 1% only. So I applied to another
job which I know it will take a long time before I could leave again the
Philippines and will give me enough time to decide until the final result of
the successful candidates of the scholarship is announced.
But then, this insured country even though I have a
definite employer, there is a round of passing the language examination as well
and you had to take 8-10 months to complete the whole language program. So I
thought, another big risk but at least with definite employer in the end. At
least, I just had to focus on studying the language.
My third insurance, go back to Saudi Arabia. Well,
at first I don’t really like working in an Arab country because of some scary
stories but when I was there, I saw the value of money and earning much to support
my family. So if ever that those first two plans I had fails, then going back
to Saudi Arabia would be the best decision.
After I submitted my papers to South Korea,
countless nights filled with anxiety came along. The University of my choosing
emailed me for an interview and after a day, I had my interview. It didn’t
actually went that way I wanted. The department head of Nursing interviewed me,
and no matter how kind she was, I was anxious. Some of the questions I answered
perfectly with two outstanding questions I thought I failed to give and answer
she wanted to hear.
Why my CGPA was low, was there any reason?
I knew well why my grades were not that outstanding
during college. And I answered it with full honesty. My father died and he was
the main reason why I took Nursing. I had a hard time coping up. But what I
wasn’t able to answer was there were numerous times I thought Nursing wasn’t
for me, that this profession was not my calling. I thought a lot of time
dropping out the major and start another one. Then as time came, I graduated in
Nursing.
Another tricky question, how do I diffuse about
evidence-based practice?
I blocked out. I knew what evidence-based practice
is but I just didn’t knew what to answer. I totally forgot what it was. Then I
just answered briefly, through practicing in clinical setting. That was it.
Then suddenly she asked, did you practice evidence-based practices? I blocked
out again and just answered NO!
I thought that was it. I won’t be accepted. I have a
slim chance of getting accepted. Anxiety day and night filled me. I am always
thinking in advance. What if I won’t pass, what is next?
Then the results of first round came around April
30. My heart raced fast as I open the email and it trembles me a lot.
I PASSED THE FIRST ROUND!
That was the most thrilling part of my life. I hoped 50% I will pass, another half percent
I won’t. But I continuously prayed to God. This has been my target for a year.
Because of this, I had a clear vision of what I want for myself in the future.
After 6 years after graduating in college, I had another dream. I have pictured myself for who I want to be
and this is want I want to be. And I thanked God, He listened to me.
But then again, I was conflicted for another couple
of sleepless nights with anxiety. While waiting for the second round of results
which is slated on May 28, I had trouble making up decisions. I asked God for a
sign. If my review for my German class won’t start before that date, then this
scholarship is for me. A couple of days after May started, there was an update.
And the date is set for our language class. It was two days before the result
of GKS.
I was deeply conflicted. Was this it Lord? Are you
giving me a sign I won’t get the scholarship? I do not want to think negatively
but I was really troubled. I look into a lot of considerations. I prayed to God
I really want to pass. I am not losing hope. But I said, if whatever the result
will be, then God knows what is best for me.
I had a hard time deciding but eventually in the
end, I gave up Germany. It wasn’t really for me. I only wanted to go there
because the salary offer is high and that I already had an employer. You see, I
know my weakness and interviews are my weakness. So I thought, if I would give
up this, how possibly I can find another employer who can accept with stammered
interview. But this is it, I quit. I thought there are still other
opportunities.
This way, I am only focus with one goal at the
moment. That is to wait for the second round of results. And I am hoping for a
very good news.
To Be Continued….
